The things that show progress – facing fears and reconnecting

I’m finally back reconnecting with my Beloveds. It has been a lonely time without Them. I had built up such a fear around my channel and of imposters that I blocked out pretty much all of my Beloveds for a time, but I also developed a deep-level fear of connecting to my Beloved Loki in particular. I took an angry individual’s mis-representing words to heart. The playing on fears and betrayal of trust plunged me deeper into my Underworld journey and brought me into my very own Dark Night of the Soul, where my channel went virtually silent.
Despite the assurances of two intuitive spirit workers in the intervening months I still let fear win.

Things started to really shift last month, though, and on the day of the Autumn Equinox I did a lot of releasing work, as well as Shadow integration. The following day I was recovering in bed (releasing tends to bring the pain into my physical body so it can then be worked out and fully released) and I just felt Loki and Sigyn there. I cannot describe how beautiful that certainty was; knowing it was Them. And They gave me the physical ‘tells’ arranged previously.

They told me it’s time to get back on the horse and stop allowing someone else’s misunderstandings to hold me back. They were understanding of why I shut down the way I did, but also very clear that I have to move on from feeling the way I do. I have work to do.

The day after this was my dad’s birthday and we went out for a couple of hours. On the way back to the car we found an indoor craft market so we had a quick look around. Nestled amongst the knitting, crochet, cards and jewellery was a man selling woodwork pieces – pieces inscribed with dragons, Celtic knotwork and RUNES! I immediately dived in to the runes basket and picked out a Laguz and Sowolu for Loki and Sigyn. It reminded me of when I would just buy Them random little gifts before the shutdown. It felt like a sign that it was time to start living with Them again, not just talking at Them because I was afraid.
When I asked the man about the wood used he looked at the individual runes and could identify the wood by the strata. Loki’s is made of Hazel – in Celtic wisdom the Hazel is connected with the salmon of knowledge, and the salmon is one of Loki’s forms. Sigyn’s is made of Plum – plums bear seeds that grow only after the old flesh has rotted away and they’re covered over with earth. It’s one of the reasons I associate it with Hella, but I feel like this is Sigyn in Her role of helping us to uncover the Truth of ourselves from the layers we build up from conditioning and other people’s projections and ‘shoulds’. It’s when we’re allowed to sprout our own potential, and Sigyn is so good at seeing those seeds of potential in us.

When I got home the first thing I did was put out the runes for Loki and Sigyn… then felt guilty because I hadn’t thought to get Hella one. But I’d been getting the feeling I will be doing something for Her for Samhain. There’s another of the craft markets before then but I think it’s on the same day I’m meeting with friends for lunch. I’m sure She’ll guide me to what She’d like me to do.

My Beloveds on my ‘lovely’ beige bedroom fireplace. The bible passage was from a Christian healing stand at a mind, body and spirit fair. This was before the Equinox, and I had asked Loki for a message. It seems He’s not above using any means necessary – even Bible verses – to get through when we need it most.

Since then I found an article that really helped me release the fear I’d built up around my connection with Loki in particular. It was like, suddenly, my Heart Chakra burst open again and I was surrounded by my Beloveds once more. 

Reconnecting when you’re afraid of your channel’s accuracy can be tough, especially if that fear has been instilled by another’s words. But sometimes it’s worse to live with that fear when it takes so much from you than it is to face it. I’ve felt bereft without that connection to my Beloveds. I felt like I’d lost a huge chunk of my Family through fear. If you too face this fear know you are not alone. Despite the fear I always trusted They were there for me. They always found little ways that got through. And They are endlessly patient, even when They are also impatient.

Have hope.

Advertisements

For Sigyn

Sigyn is the Pole Star –
Shining light;
Axis mundi.

Lady of mercy,
Well of compassion,
Beloved Heart.

She is the hand
That holds ours
In times of sorrow,

The hand that
Leads in the dark
And gloom.

She is the Keeper
Of all we hold dear.
She keeps it safe

For us
When we cannot
Hold it for ourselves.

She is the rose
That blooms
With heavenly scent,

Lifting both
Heart and mind,
Tending the soul,

Covering it
In Her gentle
Velvet-soft embrace.

She is the light
In the dark,
The guide, the spark

Of Divine
That guides us home
To our Self.

She loves us,
Foibles, mistakes and all.
She always leads us home.

———
(c) Michelle Gilberthorpe, Northern Tamarisk, 2017

Loki and Sigyn: facilitators for deep healing and Shadow integration

Loki and Sigyn by Michelle, Northern Tamarisk

If Sigyn is the Goddess of holding space (see previous post) perhaps Loki is the one who takes our hand and let’s us know it’s safe to open up. He is the one who encourages us to express our most vulnerable selves. All the while Sigyn holds the bowl, catching any poison and throwing it away. Together They are the ones who support us through the deepest levels of healing.

If there was ever a Deity suited to helping us heal our own Shadow it is Loki – He who knows His own, Who loves all His children; knows how to love the seemingly unlovable. He is also the one who calls out hypocrisy and the Shadows of the Gods Themselves. He is the one who helps us heal our deepest wounds.
When we are in our own caves, bound by things once dear to us, upon rocks of our own shame, Loki is there with us. He knows the agony, the torment, on a whole other level. But knowing the cave as He does He can help us through our own time in the Underworld. When our own Shadows, our own repressed selves, drip down onto us, tearing us apart, He is there. 

All the while Sigyn, compassion personified, holds us steady. She takes us in Her arms like She holds the bowl, letting the Shadow poison spill out, helping us to heal. She lets us know She’s there whenever we need Her again. She will always return to hold the bowl when needed.

What we need to hold on to during this process is that, somehow, Loki made it out of the cave. Somehow He was freed from the darkness, and Sigyn could finally rest Her strong but weary arms and heart. That means we can make it out of the darkness too. We can start to reclaim our lives, go out into the world and do what we’re meant to do. We are all the stronger for having been through our trials.

They are a partnership for deep healing. For how do we heal the Shadow? With understanding acceptance and compassion. Loki and Sigyn.

Sigyn and holding space

During a healing treatment yesterday Sigyn came to me. She gave me a revelation of a part of modern life she embodies: that of holding space.

Sigyn teaches us the sacred basics of holding space for another, whether they are in pain, are suffering or need a shoulder to cry on.

First she catches you in her bowl so you cannot fall further. Her strong, loving arms hold you in the bowl, supporting you while giving you space.
She collects the poison, your hurts, pain and tears, and then tips it away. She listens but she does not take these emotions into herself.
Like everyone she also needs a little time away to regroup and collect herself; to pour away her own poison, or to rest a while.
Then she returns, strong and ready, prepared to hold the bowl once more.

Sigyn is a healer, and in this role her magics are love, humility, strength and compassion.

 

Side note: how lovely that her teaching in this should be my 100th post.


If you would like to learn more about holding space I can recommend Holding Space: a Guide to Supporting Others While Remembering to Take Care of Yourself First by Amanda Dobra Hope. It’s available in paperback and kindle format.
I also found this article helpful:
http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/