Today marks the third anniversary of Loki coming into my life.
During this time I have come to the conclusion that I will never fully understand this nebulous Being. Even his facets have facets. Rather than being discouraged this just means there will always be more to ask about, explore and ponder. There will never be a dull devotional moment with Loki in your life.
Although I have had experiences with him in his role as gift-giver, wordsmith and inspirer it is his role as worldbreaker that has helped me the most. Loki’s lessons can be harsh; he can burn all around you like wildfire until there is only ash. So many things have ended, changed or become unviable in these last three years, but somehow I have made it through. Even long-cherished and fought-for aspects have had to be thrown onto the pyre. Loki allows me the time to grieve, he is there watching over, then he tells me it’s time to move on. So I pick myself up, wipe the ash and tear streaks from my face and body, and I gaze around me at where I am now. Like a sapling I reach for the light of the new world I have awoken to, trying to draw strength from that which nourishes me. Loki and Sigyn are teaching me what truly nourishes me, and every time they feel I’m ready Loki burns another bridge to the past, the old and defunct. Sometimes I despair that I lose yet more, but knowing He and They are there, that They believe I can get through it, is what keeps me going.
While there are questions as to whether it is a Heathen or later Christian concept, Ragnarok is a powerful image. For what comes after Ragnarok but renewal? A new world rises from the ashes of the old, one that is brighter and full of hope for the future. Loki as worldbreaker, to me, is the fierce fire that works it’s way through everything, allowing only the purest parts to survive and start over. His terrible, harsh, loving work forges our true self. He gives us these challenges because he believes we can be more.
I made my first (personal) set of prayer beads for Loki last month. I’ve had the main beads for a few months but didn’t know what design he wanted, so they’ve sat in his bead envelope waiting patiently. Finally I sat down and just asked him what he wanted. These are the result: The main beads are very tactile, with a texture similar to large sugar crystals. It’s just the right length to wrap around my hand, and I’ve found it very soothing to hold onto while struggling with the health relapse I’ve been going through. It feels like an anchor, because exhaustion, brain fog and pain can block out so much of Their presence. I’ve found Loki’s prayer beads a great comfort and focus. On several nights I have fallen asleep holding them. I’m truly grateful to him for them.
As a side note: Loki’s anniversary of coming into my life coincides with International Women’s Day. How appropriate for a gender-fluid Deity who is well known for valuing (and even embodying) the strength of the feminine.